I have a Fantastic family. Yes, I know I am a bit biased, but I truly have a wonderful family. I love my husband and sons and am really proud of them. The other night during family prayers my 10 year old son said' Thank you for giving us hope. Thank you for giving us trust." It isn't a phrase I have heard him use before, or since.
But this is something that I am grateful for. I am grateful for the hope that I have in my life...but regarding adoption I think a lot of it boils down to hope. I am truly hoping everything works out all right. For us and for Min. I hope that she adjusts to us easily...though we are preparing for her not to. I hope that she likes us ( another son prays every night that Min will love us quickly and like us quickly) It is true there is a difference. I hope that she is healthy enough. Enough to function. Enough not to have extremely damaged organs. Enough to have a life with us . Enough to survive. I hope that she has not been abused. I hope that she will be able to heal...from her heart defect but also from the trauma and neglect and loss that she has undoubtedly experienced in her short life. I hope that I can be the mom she needs. I hope that we will be able to communicate. We are learning some Chinese but it seems so minimal when compared to a complete language skill. I hope that we will travel soon and that we will be in time to get Min medical care. And I have to hold on to that hope because survival rates for 5 year olds for the type of heart defect that she has can be anywhere from 15-35% to reach 10 years old. And I'll be honest...this scares me. What if we are too late? I hope that we are not. I hope that we travel quickly. I do not have concrete specific information that I would like to have. But I do have that hope.
Then there is trust. In each of my pregnancies I have felt that patience was something I was being forced to learn. Probably because I didn't have much. I was the quintessential Christmas presents peeker. But this adoption process takes it to a completely different level. I mean...if you could see the mounds of paperwork we have gone through to this point. And we have to trust the process and the people who are involved. We have to trust the Chinese government that her files is accurate...or accurate enough...or possibly inaccurate...who knows. We have to trust our agency to do the things they need to do in a timely manner. We have to trust that we will have the money we need when we need it...because quite frankly we don't right now. And we have to trust that God knows what He is doing because He put us on this path. I am a strong believer that God doesn't ask us to do anything that He doesn't make a way for us to accomplish. And I am trusting Him to work out all the many things that I cannot see or predict and all the unknowns that I can not control. I have to trust in my beliefs. I beleive that families are forever. And once Min is part of our family she is part of it forever. And that fact comforts me. I trust God to make it all right because He can and because He has before in my life.