I have decided that I should start doing Sunday 'Faith' posts. I hope to have this blog made into a book at the end of this adoption since this is really the extent of my journaling about this journey:)
Saturday was a busy, crazy day. We had a swim meet for two boys, major play rehearsal for everyone and one sick son. Little sleep, scheduled family participation in the events or cheering and fun watching my sons excel and show progress and use their talents. My husband and I were timers for the swim meet, there are three per lane, and I sat next to a friend of mine. She asked how the adoption was going when I admitted to staring at pair of Chinese sisters who were swimmers, wondering if Min would look like them, or be interested in swimming. I tried to be covert and not stalker-like, but yes, I did stare at those two beautiful girls. This friend and I talked about how you just have to trust that God is in control of timing and that He knows what He is doing. And I do. I don't think I could make it down this path with any sanity intact if I did not truly believe that God is in control of this adoption. I believe that He prepared us and led us to Min. He worked out so many little things to bring her to our attention and our hearts. I am amazed by all of the seemingly small and inconsequential things that happened in Min's life but that have brought her into our hearts. I do NOT believe that God makes orphans for families. I don't think He says...'Oh, that nice family in Alaska is going to want to adopt a little girl I need to make an orphan for them.' No. I absolutely don't believe that. I believe that God makes families for orphans. I believe that He cares for the widowed and fatherless and knows them by name. I am convinced that He has Min in the palm of His hand and has cared and protected her and let her hang on with an extremely damaged heart, and that He prepared us to love her.
Faith, to me, is believing in something you can not see but is true. I have faith in a lot of things. I have not seen God, except through the actions of others, but I have faith that He is real. I have not seen Jesus, except when I serve someone with love, but I have faith that He is real. I do not understand why this world is the way it is, but I have faith that God will make it all right in the end. I have faith that He is directing my path through life. I have faith that He is mindful of me, and of my family.
I heard a song by Josh Wilson yesterday and it really hit home. The lyrics went like this:
Sometimes I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright when I know they're not
This world needs God but it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on like nothing's wrong
But I refuse 'cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer Oh, I refuse
To sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose not to move but I refuse
I can hear the least of these crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God
So, if You say move it's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do show them who You are
My faith is in God, to make me the woman that I could be. Not only is this adoption about a little girl halfway around the world, but it is about the change that is happening in my heart and in my family. The awareness of others and the gratitude for the things and relationships that we have that is increasing in our lives. The way that others have reached out to help us makes us want to reach out and help others. This has become so much more than a journey to adopt Min. It is a journey of faith.